After parking, I quickly smoothed my hair into a pony tail that I hoped didn't look too tangled. Of course, on the way inside, Henry pulled on it, so by the time we reached the door it looked like something heavy had sat on it. I asked myself for the millionth time, "why do I even bother?"
Once inside the store I carried my strapping six month old in the Bjorn, and we began shopping. No one took particular notice of me, which is good--grungy and nondescript is definitely better than attention grabbing grungy.
And then it happened. The moment that made me realize that things had gotten out of control. I frightened a child. While passing a little girl (who was grinning at everyone, by the way), I smiled at her. Her
smile vanished immediately, and her wide eyes took fearful note of my hair. She backed away. This experience shook me up a bit. So, it shouldn't surprise you that when I realized I was passing a co-worker I reflexively turned my head sharply away, pretending to be overly interested in a bag of sunflower seeds. (Fingers crossed that she didn't actually see me.)
With our teething woes increasing and Easter on the way, in addition to all the usual craziness of life with a baby, I am bound to have many more days like this. If you can relate to this than you can probably relate to my other mommy brain symptoms which appeared in my guest post on Life and Lies of Being a Mom. I am posting it again on my own blog because it was just so relative to my crazy, crazy week!
Enjoy, and have a lovely Easter, my friends!
The “Mommy Brain” Crazy Train
“Pregnancy brain is the worst!” That is what people tell
you, and during your first pregnancy you believe them because you don’t know
any better, and it is awful. During my third trimester I cried in frustration
at least once per day because of my pregnancy brain. I longed for the day when
I would be able to hold thoughts in my head again, and my baby in my arms, but
that day still hasn’t come. The truth is: pregnancy brain is nothing compared
to mommy brain.
Mommy brain is more than exhaustion induced sluggishness or
pregnancy induced dementia. It is a vexing dance of forgetting and remembering
at the same time, with thoughts lingering on your brain for one second only,
then turbulently replaced with a new one. This alteration in brain power will
cause many changes. Here are five you may notice:
You become the most
random person you know.
“The baby had another blow out, which reminds me that we
need more diapers (phew, glad I got that one out), also I want to make everyone
matching Christmas pjs, and …oh crap! Um…this wasn’t it, but we need to defrost
some beef for dinner.” At first my husband would raise an eyebrow, keeping his
thoughts to himself, but now this sort of slap dash communication is
commonplace in our life. He doesn’t even blink, but instead repeats “diapers,
Christmas pajamas, beef. Got it,” in an effort to reassure me that someone will remember.
You won’t usually
remember, but when you do it will be when you’re trying to sleep.
If I had a nickel for every time I woke up in the night,
suddenly remembering a slew of things I had forgotten during the day… “Oh man, I don’t want to forget that again.
Should I wake up--? No, no just grab some paper. Where to find…? Oh dang, it’s
gone... I’m going back to sleep.”
When you do remember
something you didn’t write down you feel like a champion. I won a spelling
Bee in the second grade and felt like I was literally on top of the world. I
didn’t think any accomplishment would ever eclipse that moment of blissful and
total success, but I was wrong. As an example I have included a recent conversation
had at the grocery store.
Husband: “I feel like we need something else, what are we
forgetting?
Me: “Um…”
Husband: “Do we need cereal?”
Me: “No…”
Husband: “Hmmm….”
Me (in a loud, overly
enthusiastic voice that makes passersby jump in surprise and look at us): “Bread!”
Euphoria ensues!
Your forgetfulness
causes you to look little, well,
homeless.
Pretty much every time I leave the house I realize that I
look like a cross between a stray dog and a war refugee. This is usually
because even though I tried my hardest to remember to change my shirt (which is
covered in spit up), or to brush my hair, or put on a little make up I
ultimately find that I am out in the real world having accomplished none of
those things. I am smelly, tangled, and have made no attempt to camouflage the
bags under my eyes. Gone are the days when I would feel a jolt of panic upon
realization that I had left the house without putting earrings in. I can barely
remember what earrings look like? Do I own any?
You have a new set of
skills
Sure simple addition makes you scratch your head
occasionally, you mix up words when you speak, and you can’t remember where
anything is. Who cares? Now, you can change a dirty diaper in the blink of an
eye. Suddenly, you are capable of performing nearly every task with one arm,
instead of two, (this means that if you do happen to remember the mountain of
dirty laundry you at least have a fighting chance). You have inexplicably
ninja-like reflexes. Everything else about you may be firing extra slow, but
when your baby is in an even slightly dangerous situation your on the scene
quicker than lightning. These new skills may not impress the masses, but they
will impress your family, and they are particularly well suited to your new set
of tasks.
So, the question is: where did all that extra brain space
go? Recent research suggests that a woman’s brain becomes very plastic just
after giving birth, growing so that she can better care for her baby. It’s true
that motherhood brings a plethora of extra responsibility making your brain a
little crowded, but I believe there is more to it. I think the cranial real
estate gets bought out by something far more worthy. No matter how difficult
your parental journey is there is an awful lot of extra love and happiness
thrown into life, and when your heart gets too full you have to store the
excess somewhere. So enjoy the joy and take all of your mommy brain related
faux pas in stride.
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