"We're not Prince Charming - we're your husband
We don't like it when you expect us to be Prince Charming. In fact, it feels objectifying. Not all of us know how to ride a horse or fight dragons. Not all of us are as dashing or debonair as Prince Charming, either, so don't expect us to be. Some of us would rather read books, work on cars or play video games. That doesn't mean we're defective. It just means we're a unique person. Please love us for who we are."
I will acknowledge that any married woman who still looks at a prince charming figure the same way she did when she was five, is probably not looking at her own marriage in a healthy way. In fact, that woman might need psychiatric intervention. But, I don't know anyone like that in my personal life. In addition, I am fairly certain that dragon slaying is not an actual option in our day and age (unless virtual dragon slaying counts), and furthermore horseback riding, while cool, is not as impressive or useful as it once was.
The article contains another link to a previous article all about how expecting a man to be prince charming is harmful to relationships because of the unrealistic and flawed character that he is. My problem with this is that the things that make Prince Charming so great have nothing to do with his outfit, wealth, ride, or looks.
Here are three qualities that Prince Charming has that every husband should have too:
- He is there when his princess needs him-- every time. Charming is paying enough attention to know when his princess needs help, and when she doesn't. He offers the necessary support, comfort, or protection in a situation.
- He puts his princess' needs before his own-- Okay, do I even need to explain this? This is one of the basic principles of happy marriages. Prince Charming has to go to extreme measures that threaten his safety, but modern husbands generally don't need to do that. It's a lot easier for you, so instead of whining about how you don't like slaying non-existent dragons, maybe you should just start living this principle.
- He makes a special effort to let his princess know she is special-- Prince Charming does some pretty corny things. You don't necessarily have to sing a song or dance, or say flowery words, but you should communicate something. Or pick up flowers every once in a while. Or take your wife out on a date from time to time. Or take out the garbage. Really, there are a multitude of options (none of which include dragon-slaying). In fact, modern dragon slaying looks a lot like coming home after a full day of work and helping with the kids.
See, the words I read are "Some of us would rather read books, work on cars or play video games. That doesn't mean we're defective. It just means we're a unique person. Please love us for who we are." But what I'm hearing is "I'm just a guy who likes what I like, doesn't care about what would make you feel happier, and doesn't care to improve, so just love me the way I am, because this is who I was when you fell in love with me in the first place." All the while ignoring that being a modern, improved Prince Charming is well within your reach.
On the other hand any wife who is expecting her husband to be Prince Charming, had better be a princess, who reciprocates each one of these qualities!
When you walk into my tiny apartment, it certainly doesn't look like a castle--but it is one because we make it one. At the end of the day when I'm covered in whatever messes my baby has wiped on me, and tired, and grungy I sure don't look like a princess, but I am one because of how I live and treat others, especially my prince. And believe me, my husband is Prince Charming. He might just be the most charming Prince Charming out there too. And he reads, works on our car (a bit), plays video games, and I can't recall him ever slaying a dragon. He is a unique person, and I love him the way he is, and I also love him for always trying to be a little bit better. He makes me want to be better too.
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