Becoming a Mommy

Having a baby instantly made me a mother, but it did not instantly make me a mommy. In fact, my journey from "milk lady" to "most awesome big person in Henry's life," spanned several months. To illustrate this, let's travel in time back to Henry's birthday. Shortly after entering the world, Henry was placed on my chest by a nurse while the medical staff continued to care for us. I was exhausted, and amazed to see that he was finally here, and perfectly perfect. Someone in the room asked me a question, and I answered. Henry suddenly whipped his head towards me, looking into my face, which was mere inches from his. He recognizes my voice, I thought tenderly. As our eyes met, his face showed surprise with a twinge of dismay. I swear he was thinking, "Is that--Is that what you look like?" After all of the time bonding during pregnancy we were strangers.

Fast forward through months of changing diapers and soothing discomforts, calming tears and singing songs, reading books and playing games, and you will see the new "us". We aren't strangers any more. I can see the change most when Henry flashes me his "sneaky" smile, which communicates that we are partners in crime who spend our days colluding to orchestrate the coolest of cool things. I feel like a million bucks every time I see it. Or this week, when we both have been sick with colds (Henry's first sickness), and his actions show me that I am his sanctuary and hospital. Becoming a mother was magical in every respect, and I look forward to hopefully having that experience again someday, but becoming a mommy is having all of your bones turned into "warm fuzzies." This transformation is necessary to make room for your heart which is bigger now, and a whole lot fuller. I love being a mommy, even during the rough days, and sick weeks, and even though I wish I could stop time at least once a day, I can't wait to see what the future holds for this mommy.

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