Low On Time

These days it seems as though my to-do lists are much longer than the 24 hour periods I assign them to. I have come to the startling prediction that this overwhelming predicament will likely continue throughout my career as a mother.

Now, I am the type of person who LOVES lists, and loves to cross things off of my lists. Before becoming a mom I always completed my daily list by the end of the day no matter what. Finishing the list made me feel like an industrial, useful person--successful. After becoming a mom my daily list is never completed. Never! Seriously, it has no end. Each evening
the leftovers remain, and by morning there are plenty more tasks to keep them company.

At first, this resulted in feelings of failure, uselessness, and slothfulness. I would look over my life and feel a rising sense of panic: I was living each day with very little to show for it. These feelings were very difficult to shake as piles of laundry became mountains, half-done projects were strewn about the house, and errands remained undone.

This problem was heightened by a deliciously lovely baby who though mobile, loves to snuggle (a really nice problem to have). Henry plays independently each day, but not for long enough to complete an entire task. When he gets tired of not having my attention, he crawls over to wherever I am and pulls himself up on my pant legs. Then he holds tight with a fist closed over each leg, puts his head between my knees and yells at me, presumably to make sure I am aware of his presence. This has resulted in the perfecting of a rather complex maneuver used to retrieve him, but it does not save me time or help me to get things done.

My view changed one night as I held Henry in my arms after he had fallen asleep. I looked at his sweet little face, and forgot all about my giant list of left-overs. Instead, I wondered if I had been the kind of mother he deserved that day. Did I play with him? Did I try to teach him something? Did I communicate through my actions that he is more important than the list? Did I give him all of the snuggles and loves that he needed?

I suddenly realized that as long as I could honestly answer each question with a yes, the list didn't matter. Time is a precious resource--it exhausts quickly, and there is not much of it. The truth is: there will never be enough time in the day for me to finish my list. Success in my job as a mother is measured by my ability to prioritize well--not in the number of tasks I get done each day.  And if another rendition of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" is performed in place of washing dishes--so be it!