Guilty Much?

Henry had been home with us for less than a week when I realized that I might be a terrible mother. "I feel bad that our room isn't warmer, that I'm so tired, that I forgot a back up outfit, that I can't help him stop crying, that...." Finally, after my hundredth "I feel bad that..." statement Zac said, "I'm learning that there are a lot of things to feel guilty about as a parent." And there are SO MANY for us to feel guilty about, if we let ourselves, which is why a little perspective can go a long way.

When I catch a case of the "guilties" I repeat in my mind the words my mother told me just before Henry was born. This is her parenting philosophy: "It doesn't really matter how many mistakes you make as long as you are trying, and as long as the children know that you love them." Now, my mother isn't perfect, but she could take a gold medal for many events in the mom-lympics--no contest. If the best teacher, protector, and sacrifice-maker I know makes loving her children the priority, and cuts herself some slack on the rest, than I can too.

Beating myself up generally won't turn me into a better parent, just a more disheartened one. I am slowly learning to give myself a break. My technique is simple: when I catch myself self-censuring I think about how I could do better the next time, and then about two good mommy tasks I have done that day. Luckily, I have a husband who thinks of a dozen reasons why I'm a good mother, and assures me of this every day. You may not have someone like that in your life, so I'm calling it just in case: You are a good mom.

You try your best every day, even though what your best is changes from day to day; and some days are better than others. You do what absolutely needs to get done, and if some less important things (meaning anything not directly related to keeping your children alive) fall through the cracks, so be it. In fact, according to my mother's wisdom as long as they feel your love you're doing great! And I'm willing to bet they feel your love constantly (mean-mom moments included--yeah, I've been there).

In just two days a calendar-mandated celebration of your contributions as a mother will commence. While your families are appreciating you, take a moment to appreciate yourself. Instead of allowing yourself to feel overwhelmed or defeated, allow yourself to feel successful and valuable.Take a look at what you have accomplished and feel happy about it. Motherhood is challenging enough as it is--we can't afford to side with the opposing team.

So give yourself a break, you wonderful mother, you! And have a fabulous mother's day, every day.